I just don’t feel like it

so it wasn't a good day nor bad. i just don't feel like it.

woke up by my alarm at 5:30am to do edit my PRC and to my dismay the laptop is nowhere to be found. so i went back to bed and was able to sleep back then i woke up by somewhere 7am. gone to the manghuds room and found my lappy there.gosh!if i had known. so i took the lappy and did the editing.

got a text from hannan, asking for the time we'll be meeting that day for our PRC. i replied 9am but i was got hook with the turtlish-run of internet since it's for free. Finally I set forth past 10am already and i have printed the wrong file. tsk. sayang ang P4.00.

when i got in the hospital, the people whom i'm about to meet there where just arriving then. it was fine with me.we passed our lacking datas but unfortunately we'll have the results the following day so we're delayed again.

i wouldn't have gone there this am if and only if i kept my head intact. out of carelessness, of the most important thing, i've disrecarded the paper which contained the case number of the case to be swapped. Darn! Just found it yesterday. in addition, someone blame me on it but who else to blame to? only me, right? just hate it that she have said that to me. it was ok to me, i understand she was having a bad moment right there and then.

in the afternoon, we waited for awhile in the EC to open so we could pay for our fines and assessment fee for our college. i was second in line, things went on smoothly and i need not to wait because i was second in line. we headed then to the dean, and again to my dismay, i cant have my clearance signed since my cashier is not yet done. so we hiked to the admin for my cashier clearance. unfortunately, the server got offline and the assignee was not sure when it will be back. i climbed upstairs and waited for several minutes but when i came back, it's still offline. luck wasn't just with me that day.

so i finally, retreated to our floor (since it's not our department building), top floor of four levels (yeah, i know it's not that tall but still it's tiring. darn again) alone. my two other friends have gone home already since they can't move on as well. and i could hardly smile then. went back to nursing room 8 to edit my PRC since a good friend of mine texted me that our files are saved on one of the PCs there. thankfully, i was next in line. i didn't have to wait that long. i visited the office to have my clearance signed for my total accounts. i'm cleared already so i had mine signed. at least i now have an initial signature in my clearance. and i still can't move on coz i do still need another initial from a CI for my complete PRC. given the fact that i do still have lacking data, i really cant move on.

i met my good friend there and it's her birthday! yeah, but i could hardly gave a cheerful greeting. for me, it's somehow fleeting. when she was done with the initials for her PRC form since hers is complete already, she came up to me and asked about what i was rambling about on my slow progress with the clearance. "Unsay walay kalambuan, na nag-una-una gani ka," she asked. Ding! the second phrase irked me but i didn't show that i was irritated with her remark and i showed her my clean and un-signed clearance. i bet she got the idea. i wasn't very indulging. i just answer what she asks. i wasn't in the mood then especially with that remark. darn 3! i wanted to go home then but then she showed our correctioned thesis paper so i stayed and listen. Civil. i excused myself to my other good friend and told him earlier that i'm leaving early and excused that i was tired already. trying to be good, i waited for my good friend with the remarks, even though i have known already that it's online again. we went down the building together with our another friend. as bad as it is for me, the cashier's closed already. another downer!

she and another friend have gone to the city and i didnt go with her. i had no intentions then. she's to hear mass since it's birthday but i just contain my feel-bad mood that moment and just let her go like any ordinary days when i feel like not going with her. we separated that way.

maybe i was really tired then, i slept for hours the moment i got into our boarding house.

Thinking back, i really felt bad about what i did, of not being the friend that was expected of me today. as bad as it can be, i wasn't having a good day at all. with her remark, she must be at least thankful i remained composed in credits to her natal data just so sad, i did not celebrate it with her but i believe she had her own plans.

i just hate the thought that i'm behind this whole clearance thing due to my carelessness. yes, it's given that i'm delayed and why i do i still have to receive irky remarks? maybe to her it was nothing but to me it meant something and she must not have noticed it. she's getting used to doing it and i'm just tolerating it. darn! at least she would realize it herself, that even i amidst situations like this i hardly bragged being left behind or having to do things by myself. for one instance, it happened just the other day actually. when she asked about validating our ids, i said i was done with mine already, and she asked our other friend, same friend who have gone with her in the city today, she as well have had her id validated. "Ah kalain ui," she voiced out. Ding! she's being her again so i explained myself, told her that i was done with it earlier because i had to submit myself for the voting registration which happened last week. you know, i'm just tired of having to explain myself for going ahead of her at times like that. Realizing it now, I do need to explain for that matter because we plan to do it together. For this, i'm sorry.

Day after that, I got an indirect explanation from her when we were talking about lunch. She was saying sorry that she can’t come with me for lunch coz she’ll be going home. I told her no problem with me. Finishing the line for me, “What’s new? You’re used to it and I’m not.” She finds eating alone outside scary because she’s afraid that a stranger might come to her and share with the table. That explains it all. Sometimes I feel the way she feels but I have to get pass it. I might starve myself if I keep on thinking that way. That’s my point here; I want her to learn going out and having to do things just by herself. And for some reasons, I’m really the type of person who doesn't brag persons around to do for me. And if I have to, it must be very important that I can’t really excuse myself to do it.

…

Hope she’s happee with her birthday even without me.

Haayz… tomorrow’s another day I just hope I could live with this quote below.
“When faced with what seems to be a negative situation, adjust your perspective and choose to see it positively.”

God I Love You!;)